Hello, goodbye.

As I say hello to you, introduce you to my blog and invite you into my mind, I ask you to think about the act of saying goodbye. It isn’t always an easy thing to do and the thought of it may trigger unpleasant memories for those who have had the experience of a painful goodbye or have had to accept not having that chance of closure. There are many types of goodbyes. I’m referring to the kind of goodbye we knew was coming. We anticipated it, maybe dreaded it and sometimes even welcomed it.

I spent most of my life living in the same city and interacting with the same people. It was rare that I ever had to say goodbye to anybody. Maybe “see you later,” or “see you soon,” but never a real “goodbye.”

It wasn’t until I decided (at age thirty-one) to leave my hometown that having to say goodbye truly affected my life. Even then, I knew I wasn’t saying goodbye forever, at least I hoped not. I might not ever live in Elgin again, but I was sure that the people who mattered most to me would still remain a part of my life. We may not get together downtown for a drink or drive into Chicago to catch a show, but surely we would talk on the phone and share our lives with each other via social media. I would visit when my new life and hectic college schedule would allow it. We would swap stories about having babies, buying houses, getting older or share a conversation about whatever else might be happening in life.

But maybe not.

It was possible that we would never see each other again. It was possible that the night before I left would be the last time we would ever share an evening together. It was this line of thinking that made the act of saying goodbye become so important to me, and perhaps more awkward.

I have had to say goodbye to many people since then. Some who I thought I would probably never see again. Some who I never expected to see again. Some I never wanted see again and some I didn’t want to live without. I looked every one of them in the eye when we parted – an attempt to convey their importance to me and show how much I appreciated having them in my life. Whether we were leaving each other on good terms or bad terms. Whether or not we would ever see each other again. Whether or not the time we had spent together was positive or negative. No matter the circumstances, saying goodbye has remained important to me.

Of course I don’t think of the impact a person has had on my life every time I say “see you tomorrow,” or “have a good day,” just like people generally don’t think of how much they care about somebody every time they say “I love you.” But truly parting ways seems like an exceptional occasion that deserves more attention.

I am a student of communication with a desire to develop a more comprehensive understanding of human interaction. I value effective communication, especially when it comes to showing gratitude. I think learning how to express oneself is essential to developing relationships, being an active member of society and sharing ideas. I have opinions but, at this time, I don’t have very many answers. The answers I do have seem to be culturally biased and underdeveloped.

I pose these questions to you.

Is it important to convey our feelings? If we don’t put our feelings into words, can we be sure the other person understands? Do we need them to understand? Do words need to be spoken to show love or gratitude? Disagreement or distaste? Why are we so apprehensive to tell people how much we value their presence in our lives? Are we cowards? Is the need of self-expression born out of insecurity? Should we enable ourselves to be insecure? Should we just expect that the people we care about know how we feel? Is goodbye our last chance?